Stephen Colbert once asked Keanu Reeves what happens after we die. Reeves thought for a moment and said: “I know the ones who love us will miss us.”
That powerful statement points to something most of us don’t really think about — not what happens to us, but what happens to the people we leave behind.
Nobody wants to plan for their own death. It’s a topic that can stop a conversation cold, the errand that never makes it to the top of the to-do list. But death is the one thing in life that is guaranteed to happen to every single person. And a few hours of your time now can make an enormous difference for the people who love you.
A will and an estate plan are essential. But they are not the whole picture. There is a category of practical, personal preparation that lives outside the legal documents, is just as important, and almost nobody talks about it.
Your Digital Life Doesn’t Sort Itself Out
Most people today have more digital accounts than they can count off the top of their head. Email. Banking. Social media. Subscriptions. Cloud storage full of photos. Password-protected devices. Crypto wallets. Work accounts.
When you die, the people who love you will need to access some of these and close or memorialize others. Without a record of what exists and how to get in, that process can be genuinely painful — not just logistically, but emotionally. Searching through a loved one’s devices looking for passwords is not how anyone wants to spend the weeks after a loss.
A simple document listing your accounts, login credentials, and instructions for each one is one of the most practical gifts you can leave behind. It should be stored somewhere secure, and at least one trusted person should know where to find it. There are also password manager tools and digital estate planning services that can help organize this if a single document feels unwieldy.
Your Funeral Wishes Belong Outside Your Will
This is something many people don’t realize: a will is often not found or read until days or even weeks after a death — well after funeral arrangements have already been made. If your wishes about burial, cremation, a service, or a celebration of life are only written into your will, there is a real chance they won’t be known in time.
The people planning your funeral will be grieving. They will be making decisions quickly, under pressure, often with strong opinions coming from multiple directions. Knowing what you wanted — even in a general way — takes an enormous amount of pressure off of them.
Write your wishes down separately and make sure a trusted person has a copy. It doesn’t need to be formal or lengthy. It just needs to exist and be findable.
The Details That Actually Make a Difference
Beyond the logistics, there are personal things that many people find meaningful to leave behind — and that their loved ones are often deeply grateful for.
Some people write letters to the people they love, to be opened after they are gone. Some record a video message. Some put together a playlist for their memorial service, or a folder of photos they want included in a slideshow. Some leave a simple document explaining where important papers are, what accounts exist, what the recurring bills are, and who to call first.
None of this is morbid. All of it is kind.
The families who are spared the experience of making difficult decisions in the dark while also trying to mourn had someone who thought ahead. That someone can be you.
A Note for LGBTQ Individuals and Non-Traditional Families
For LGBTQ people and those in non-traditional family structures, this kind of preparation carries extra weight. Without clear documentation of your wishes — and without legal documents that designate the right people to act on your behalf — decisions can default to biological family members who may not reflect your chosen family or your values. The personal preparation described here works hand in hand with your legal documents to make sure the right people are empowered and informed.
You Don’t Have to Do This All at Once
This can feel like a big project, and it doesn’t have to be. Start with one thing. Write down your account passwords and put them somewhere safe. Have a five minute conversation with your partner or a trusted friend about your funeral wishes. Make a note about the songs you would want played. Start a playlist!
The goal isn’t a perfect document. The goal is to leave the people who love you with a little less to figure out, and a little more of you to hold onto.
We’ve put together a simple end of life preparation checklist to help you get started. Download it here — it’s free, it’s practical, and it might be the most useful thing you do this week.
